LIVE-ACTION CASTING: Seven Deadly Sins [NO SPOILERS]

ow. I don’t even know where to begin with this show. It’s as if the writers of Dragon Ball dabbed while playing Final Fantasy and chased it with a stein of Guinness, then shotgunned the bible and threw an impromptu bachelor party at Medieval Times. It’s about as well-polished a flaming turd can get, and I fucking love it.

The plot is simple. Princess Elizabeth is on a mission to take back her kingdom from the traitorous Holy Knights. Sir Meliodas, tavern owner and leader of a once legendary group of knights called the Seven Deadly Sins, joins her as she seeks the assistance of the remaining diamond level warriors. The Sins are represented by five different clans ranging from humans and giants to fairys and demons (even gods) and they each have their own unique set of abilities and magical powers.

Season three was incredible and I devoured it almost as soon as it premiered. Like most animated series, I started thinking about how fun a live action adaptation would potentially be. An A-list ensemble fantasy action-comedy? Say no more fam! Grab some mead and follow me to the casting couch.

 

Tom Holland as Meliodas (Wrath)

The current Peter Parker trades his web-shooters in for a broken sword called Dragon Handle. He’s got the look and more than enough charm to carry a big studio picture. It should be an easy transition to go from Spider-man to Sir Meliodas given their similar comedic wit and nimble athleticism. He’ll have to turn down the Disney-ness and turn up the perviness, but he of all people should know: “With great power comes great responsibility.”.

ALT: Taron Edgerton, Alex Lawther

 

Saoirse Ronan as Elizabeth

Given the current cultural climate, a ditsy, over-sexualized female character like Liz definitely could use a bit of a rebrand. There are other aspects to her character we’ll choose to focus on. Like an unrelenting determination to take back her kingdom from the Brittanian dangers. Saoirse offers a nice balance of the strength and warmth required to deal with Sir Meliodas. You can find a “continuing trajectory of her Oscar-nominated Ladybird performance” in the directorial notes.

ALT: Jamie Chung, Auli’i Cravalho

 

Tiffany Haddish as Hawk

The Girls Trip star is on a roll and she’s got some experience with voiceover work in the upcoming sequels to The Lego Movie and The Secret Life of Pets. Meliodas’ sidekick is referred to as a “he” in the show, but we feel that Haddish is talented enough to transcend gender (and species). Look, she’s playing a talking pig and the last Charlotte’s Web movie was like 12 years ago. So relax, I need this.

ALT: Kevin Hart, Awkwafina

 

Michael B. Jordan as Ban (Greed)

Meliodas and Ban are besties and often engage in friendly scuffles. MBJ and TH are both leading men with Marvel ties, so we’ll bet they won’t have a problem finding inspiration for their competitive rivalry. That edgy Killmonger energy works for this role, as long as he tones down the rage and ramps up the sarcasm.

ALT: Ryan Reynolds, Ansel Elgort

 

Zendaya as Merlin (Gluttony)

This is an easy cast. Merlin is a sexy and mysterious witch (that’s like…90% of hollywood). We’re gonna go with Z. She has the chops to get to that dark place, but also keep it light. Her history with Holland in Spider-man Homecoming will help and we’re betting her role as a wise-cracking MJ in general could translate well here. She’s versatile enough to play Elizabeth, if the Merlin fit doesn’t pan out.

ALT: Cara Delevigne, Zoe Kravitz

 

Finn Wolfhard as King (Sloth)

The fairy king may take on the appearance of a diminutive teenage boy, but he’s actually massive in his human form (and dangerously over dramatic). We’ve seen the same type of emotional instability and passion from Wolfhard’s Mike in Stranger Things. A will to fight for loved ones is necessary and we’re thinking the Mike/Eleven chemistry carries over perfectly between King and Diane.

ALT: Cole Sprouse, Jack Gleeson

 

Millie Bobby Brown as Diane (Envy)

One of the biggest stars in Hollywood is also one of the smallest. Young Millie rocks as the powerful Eleven in Stranger Things and she’s gonna need to bring that same power for this literally gigantic role. IRL she’s way warmer and more charming, which is an added energy needed for Diane. But like we said, the established chemistry she has with Finn is gonna be what polarizes these characters.

ALT: Maisie Williams, Yara Shahidi

 

Timothee Chalamet as Gowther (Lust)

The sexually ambiguous former doll requires an actor both highly intellectual and emotionally vapid. Chalamet (still in his moment) is ridiculously pretty and has shown the Oscar-worthy capacity to bring those exact qualities to this character. Tim feels introspective enough to play observant and caring, plus he could use a blockbuster to add to his fresh yet prolific young resume.

ALT: Ezra Miller, Chance Perdomo

 

Dwayne Johnson as Escanor (Pride)

If there’s a role The Rock has even the slightest potential to play, you don’t hesitate to offer it to him. He’s the most bankable movie star out there and apparently hasn’t seen a project he didn’t like, making this a no-brainer. We have no doubt that he could play the body morphing Escanor, as evident in Central Intelligence and Jumanji. His unique ability to flip from action hero to bumbling buffoon is essential. He’s already gone CGI-fat, so going CGI-thin shouldn’t be a problem. The role is more of an extended cameo, and he’s got so many other things going on that this should be a cake walk for the hardest working man in Hollywood.

ALT: Dave Bautista, Terry Crews

 

The Hemsworth Brothers as The Holy Knights

Finally! The planets have aligned for the Hemsworth triplets in this epic team-up. They’ve been playing good guys for most of their careers, so I’m sure that a crack at villainy would certainly pique their interest.

Chris and Liam do most of the heavy lifting as Dreyfus and Hendrickson, respectively. Liam is quite limited as an actor, so he can easily play righteous. Dreyfus requires more cunning and Chris has both the necessary talent and experience (see Ghostbusters). Big bro/runt of the litter Luke squeezes in for some light work as Zaratras. So, you know, good for him.

They’re known for having a fairly boring healthy relationship with one another, but tapping into some secret, hidden, deep-rooted sibling rivalry could add a surprise element to this villainous dynamic.

ALT: Matt Damon, Ben and Casey Affleck

 

Sorry to get your hopes up, but there’s probably a less than zero chance of this ever getting made. Americans don’t exactly have a successful track record with anime adaptations: Dragonball Evolution, Street Fighter, Speed Racer, Death Note, Ghost in the Shell…I could keep going. Blame it on the over-westernization or tone-deaf executive input. Either way, we’ve dropped the dragon ball.

This is why we can’t have nice things. They need to put an actual weeb in charge. A true anime nerd should be commanding this Holy War. I wouldn’t consider myself devout, but I do partake in the sacrament. Throwing my hat in the ring: Prime Minister of Adaptations, Anime Division. Probably less than a less than zero chance of that ever happening. But, hey, a girl can dream.

ow. I don’t even know where to begin with this show. It’s as if the writers of Dragon Ball dabbed while playing Final Fantasy and chased it with a stein of Guinness, then shotgunned the bible and threw an impromptu bachelor party at Medieval Times. It’s about as well-polished a flaming turd can get, and I fucking love it.

The plot is simple. Princess Elizabeth is on a mission to take back her kingdom from the traitorous Holy Knights. Sir Meliodas, tavern owner and leader of a once legendary group of knights called the Seven Deadly Sins, joins her as she seeks the assistance of the remaining diamond level warriors. The Sins are represented by five different clans ranging from humans and giants to fairys and demons (even gods) and they each have their own unique set of abilities and magical powers.

Season three was incredible and I devoured it almost as soon as it premiered. Like most animated series, I started thinking about how fun a live action adaptation would potentially be. An A-list ensemble fantasy action-comedy? Say no more fam! Grab some mead and follow me to the casting couch.

 

Tom Holland as Meliodas (Wrath)

The current Peter Parker trades his web-shooters in for a broken sword called Dragon Handle. He’s got the look and more than enough charm to carry a big studio picture. It should be an easy transition to go from Spider-man to Sir Meliodas given their similar comedic wit and nimble athleticism. He’ll have to turn down the Disney-ness and turn up the perviness, but he of all people should know: “With great power comes great responsibility.”.

ALT: Taron Edgerton, Alex Lawther

 

Saoirse Ronan as Elizabeth

Given the current cultural climate, a ditsy, over-sexualized female character like Liz definitely could use a bit of a rebrand. There are other aspects to her character we’ll choose to focus on. Like an unrelenting determination to take back her kingdom from the Brittanian dangers. Saoirse offers a nice balance of the strength and warmth required to deal with Sir Meliodas. You can find a “continuing trajectory of her Oscar-nominated Ladybird performance” in the directorial notes.

ALT: Jamie Chung, Auli’i Cravalho

 

Tiffany Haddish as Hawk

The Girls Trip star is on a roll and she’s got some experience with voiceover work in the upcoming sequels to The Lego Movie and The Secret Life of Pets. Meliodas’ sidekick is referred to as a “he” in the show, but we feel that Haddish is talented enough to transcend gender (and species). Look, she’s playing a talking pig and the last Charlotte’s Web movie was like 12 years ago. So relax, I need this.

ALT: Kevin Hart, Awkwafina

 

Michael B. Jordan as Ban (Greed)

Meliodas and Ban are besties and often engage in friendly scuffles. MBJ and TH are both leading men with Marvel ties, so we’ll bet they won’t have a problem finding inspiration for their competitive rivalry. That edgy Killmonger energy works for this role, as long as he tones down the rage and ramps up the sarcasm.

ALT: Ryan Reynolds, Ansel Elgort

 

Zendaya as Merlin (Gluttony)

This is an easy cast. Merlin is a sexy and mysterious witch (that’s like…90% of hollywood). We’re gonna go with Z. She has the chops to get to that dark place, but also keep it light. Her history with Holland in Spider-man Homecoming will help and we’re betting her role as a wise-cracking MJ in general could translate well here. She’s versatile enough to play Elizabeth, if the Merlin fit doesn’t pan out.

ALT: Cara Delevigne, Zoe Kravitz

 

Finn Wolfhard as King (Sloth)

The fairy king may take on the appearance of a diminutive teenage boy, but he’s actually massive in his human form (and dangerously over dramatic). We’ve seen the same type of emotional instability and passion from Wolfhard’s Mike in Stranger Things. A will to fight for loved ones is necessary and we’re thinking the Mike/Eleven chemistry carries over perfectly between King and Diane.

ALT: Cole Sprouse, Jack Gleeson

 

Millie Bobby Brown as Diane (Envy)

One of the biggest stars in Hollywood is also one of the smallest. Young Millie rocks as the powerful Eleven in Stranger Things and she’s gonna need to bring that same power for this literally gigantic role. IRL she’s way warmer and more charming, which is an added energy needed for Diane. But like we said, the established chemistry she has with Finn is gonna be what polarizes these characters.

ALT: Maisie Williams, Yara Shahidi

 

Timothee Chalamet as Gowther (Lust)

The sexually ambiguous former doll requires an actor both highly intellectual and emotionally vapid. Chalamet (still in his moment) is ridiculously pretty and has shown the Oscar-worthy capacity to bring those exact qualities to this character. Tim feels introspective enough to play observant and caring, plus he could use a blockbuster to add to his fresh yet prolific young resume.

ALT: Ezra Miller, Chance Perdomo

 

Dwayne Johnson as Escanor (Pride)

If there’s a role The Rock has even the slightest potential to play, you don’t hesitate to offer it to him. He’s the most bankable movie star out there and apparently hasn’t seen a project he didn’t like, making this a no-brainer. We have no doubt that he could play the body morphing Escanor, as evident in Central Intelligence andJumanji. His unique ability to flip from action hero to bumbling buffoon is essential. He’s already gone CGI-fat, so going CGI-thin shouldn’t be a problem. The role is more of an extended cameo, and he’s got so many other things going on that this should be a cake walk for the hardest working man in Hollywood.

ALT: Dave Bautista, Terry Crews

The Hemsworth Brothers as The Holy Knights

Finally! The planets have aligned for the Hemsworth triplets in this epic team-up. They’ve been playing good guys for most of their careers, so I’m sure that a crack at villainy would certainly pique their interest.

Chris and Liam do most of the heavy lifting as Dreyfus and Hendrickson, respectively. Liam is quite limited as an actor, so he can easily play righteous. Dreyfus requires more cunning and Chris has both the necessary talent and experience (see Ghostbusters). Big bro/runt of the litter Luke squeezes in for some light work as Zaratras. So, you know, good for him.

They’re known for having a fairly boring healthy relationship with one another, but tapping into some secret, hidden, deep-rooted sibling rivalry could add a surprise element to this villainous dynamic.

ALT: Matt Damon, Ben and Casey Affleck

Sorry to get your hopes up, but there’s probably a less than zero chance of this ever getting made. Americans don’t exactly have a successful track record with anime adaptations: Dragonball Evolution, Street Fighter, Speed Racer, Death Note, Ghost in the Shell…I could keep going. Blame it on the over-westernization or tone-deaf executive input. Either way, we’ve dropped the dragon ball.

This is why we can’t have nice things. They need to put an actual weeb in charge. A true anime nerd should be commanding this Holy War. I wouldn’t consider myself devout, but I do partake in the sacrament. Throwing my hat in the ring: Prime Minister of Adaptations, Anime Division. Probably less than a less than zero chance of that ever happening. But, hey, a girl can dream.

 

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